Self-sabotage. Sound familiar? I do that often. Recently I did that again.
My another draft of the screenplay fell apart. I have to rewrite again. I decided to take a week off. A week turned into two weeks and then a month. And here I was, anxious all the time. It was self-sabotage that was preventing me from writing. Sound familiar?
If I was a good writer, I shouldn’t be rewriting.
I am a fraud.
I am not a good writer.
I should have gone to law school. And on and on.
Yes, we all do that. Beat ourselves up. Don’t show up to work. Never finish a project. Never stick to a work out routine. Nor diet. Nor good habits. Etc. We sabotage our own work or venture. And hence, once and for all, we prove ourselves to be frauds. I, too, had become a fraud.
Having been here before, many times. I knew I had to get out of it. So I took my girls to the Minneapolis Museum of Art. When I am in a writing funk, I like doing something new. Art and people watching inspires me. As I stood admiring in awe of thousands of collection of art, I realized again, all I had to do was to finish. And it takes time. Discipline. Hard work. Dedication. But the feeling of failure hadn’t dissipated.
After our visit to the museum, we went to Namaste. A fusion-Nepali restaurant in Uptown Minneapolis. I ordered Chaat. Delicious. It was a Chaat done right. One of the best Chats I’ve had in the US.
While we were waiting for our food, my ten years old daughter asked for paper and pen. She started to draw. I watched her as she began to sketch a beautiful tree with curvaceous roots. She didn’t care about the environment nor complained even though she was hungry. She likes to draw. And she was drawing. Inspired by her act, I took my notebook and wrote ideas on how to fix my own screenplay. A writer must write. That’s why Danielle Steele produced hundreds of books. Because she writes. There is no room for self-sabotage in her life.
So with some delicious chaat in my belly and fire to write, I am here. Again. Breaking the cycle. Writing on.
If you struggle with self-sabotage and have ideas on how to kick it, please share. It’s always good to know I am not alone. I usually turn to Steven Pressfield’s books, The War of Art, Turning Pro and Nobody wants to read your sh*t; when I need to overcome my shortcomings as a writer. One day I would like to write about this constant struggle in detail. In the meantime, I will resort to some delicious food and inspirational reading.
Chaat is a street food in India. I grew up on them. Chaat actually means to lick. Eating Chaat can be messy, and it is finger food. So you lick your fingers when you eat Chaat.
It’s a cold dish. Sometimes you can get a warm chaat, like Alloo-tikka chaat. (Potato pancakes).
Try some Chaat with a chilled glass of Rose. It will do the trick.
Chaat is versatile. You can take a toasted flatbread and add toppings of your choice. It doesn’t have to be spicy or Indian.
Here’s a simple recipe for Chaat. I use papad. It’s a thin flat crepe made out of chickpeas. I use that as a base and add toppings on it. It’s crispy and thin. It gives you a crunch in every bite.
This is very similar to Bruchetta. Replace bread with fresh taco chips, add spicy toppings. I bet you can make it on a toasted bread too. I’ll try that.