I am craving for (im)peach me pie.
Seriously, all I can think of is a peach pie lately. Yes, it is a pumpkin pie season, and it seems almost sacrilegious to think of anything but pumpkins. But I can’t think of pumpkins. With the talk of the impeachment in the air, all I want is a peach pie.
Sadly, Colorado peaches have disappeared from the isles of the grocery store. And all I can see are pumpkins everywhere. Stores, homes, gardens, and I feel forced to think of Donald Trump. The orange man. Even my fall is tainted these days. It makes me sad. So, here is my recipe for an (im)peach me pie to cheer my sullen heart. And share it with someone, you love to hate.
- 3 cups of narcissistic flour
- One stick of Lindsey Graham butter
- 1 cup of Pence’s Holy Water
- Zest of Ruthlessness
- Knead the dough with petulance
For the filling:
- Only use Russian and Ukrainian peaches
- Crush some Kurdish granulated sugar
- Three drops of Turkish vanilla
- Any amount of Nunez nutmeg
Boil the filling over a hot plate using Kushner coals. It may kill journalists but not your peach filling. Regardless, stay safe. Lock all the aliens in a cage so nothing can interrupt you during this holy process.
Let the filling chill like Mitch McConnell’s face. Be patient. It must be cold and have a feeling of ruthlessness. Strap an AK-47 around your neck as you pour the filling in the pie. Why? I hear that planned parenthood is a terrorist organization, and you never know. The pie has the disadvantage of attracting supporters of planned parenthood.
And they are everywhere.
Bake the pie in high heat as long it takes to complete the impeachment process. Carve Ivanka’s face on the lattice. If you don’t know who that is, Google Wicked Witch of the West. When ready to share it with your foxy friends and family, serve it with some Afghani creme and sprinkle red, white, and blue shame sprinkles on it.
If you don’t have the gumption to bake, it’s on the menu at the Trump Tower and served for free in exchange for MAGA hat and allegiance. Kelly Anne Conway has traded the White House for a lucrative server position at the Benjamin Lounge. She serves the pie with a panache of sinister and deceit. That’s the best part.
If you hate my recipe, here’s my favorite peach pie recipe. Peach Pie
And this easy video tutorial.
P.S. Inspired by my writer friend Marny Stebbin’s writing “Great Full Chaos: A Dreary Forcast.” She is a columnist at Stillwater Gazette. Check her out on Facebook or the Stillwater Gazette. She is will make you laugh and cry and even enlighten you in the process.